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For Sale: 18-Foot Tall Topless Wooden Mermaid

by ARLnow.com — July 20, 2011 at 9:30 am 25,004 47 Comments

If you’ve ever dreamed of owning a huge, wooden mermaid with big, exposed breasts, now is your chance. All you need is three grand and a chainsaw.

The 18-foot tall mermaid has graced the front yard of Leeway Overlee resident Paul Jackson since 2004, when Paul and wife Nancy had the bright idea to carve something out of their dying 100+ year old white ash tree. Nancy, in a moment of benevolence, suggested a mermaid, to satisfy Paul’s dual loves of fish and women. The final product, carved by Frederick, Md. artist Scott Dustin, featured what the Washington Post’s Laura Sessions Stepp described as “a shapely derriere and bare breasts that must be at least size DD.”

The busty mermaid, named “Damaged Goods” or D.G. for short, has attracted neighborhood and media attention ever since her controversial creation. She received the aforementioned Washington Post write-up shortly after Labor Day 2004 — in an article entitled “Majestic or Monstrous?” — and, more recently, she was the focus of a Connection Newspapers piece entitled “From Controversy to Landmark.” She’s also listed on RoadsideAmerica.com, an “online guide to offbeat tourist attractions.”

All is not well in paradise, however. D.G.’s roots are weakening and Paul has decided to sell rather than watch her teeter. He’s asking for $3,000, and not a dime less.

“Buyer is responsible for ‘slicing her off’ and transporting her to her new home,” he writes on his Craigslist ad. If you want to inspect the goods, D.G. can be viewed from the street or the sidewalk, on the south side of the 6200 block of Lee Highway.

Hat tip to M. Crider

  • CW

    “to satisfy Paul’s dual loves of fish and women”

    God, let’s keep it at least pg-13 rated this morning! Take your smut to the nearest pedestrian tunnel, why don’t you?

    :D

    • SomeGuy

      Yep. This one’s going in the gutter quickly. Nice work, ArlNow.

    • KalashniKEV

      Why go to a pedestrian tunnel… there’s a lovely windowless van right there?

      I’ll bet Paul has loved some serious Fish and Women in there over the years…

      Maybe he can donate that van to ASPAN and they can turn it into a Soup Kitchen?

      (hahahahaah, OK… I’ll stop now)

  • Clarendon

    It’s really a cool idea. I’d consider displaying her (maybe as a figurehead on my house’s portico like a ship), except the big, meaty hands are kind of a turn-off.

    • charlie

      y’know what the say… big hands big feet …

      • Eponymous Coward

        Wasn’t there a Seinfeld episode about Merman hands?

        BTW, 3K is peanuts considering DOJ spent 8K to cover up the busty Spirit of Justice. Ashcroft is on his way over with a chainsaw now…

    • R.Griffon

      And it’s not just the hands – that mermaid’s got arms like a gorilla. A gorilla with no elbows.

  • doodly

    Why doesn’t he just slice her off and put her on a slab or concrete or some stones?

  • CrystalMikey

    Epic sideboob right there. haha

    • PikerShorts

      Damn beat me to it. Nothin’ like a good sideboob

  • Neighbor

    We’ll be sad to see her go!! We remember watching her being constructed. She was a landmark for the neighborhood.

  • YoBimbo

    Lana on “Archer” has big hands, and they don’t bother me a bit.

  • abc

    not sure why people think this is smut, perhaps they are the kind of people who think the naked figure is something to be hidden away. but i’ve always loved this sculpture! didn’t know it was carved from a tree! that’s truly incredible art :-)

    • JimPB

      ABC: You spesk my mind.

    • R.Griffon

      Blame America’s Puritanical roots. You can turn on primetime TV and see 10 different kinds of murder, death, and mayhem for your family’s entertainment, but don’t you DARE show a human body in it’s natural form (or even an artist’s interpretation of same).

      Won’t somebody THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!!!

  • Tabby

    I like the house. Mermaid, not so much.

  • JamesE

    This will go perfectly with my mer-man statue of Derek Zoolander.

  • Cherrydale Ken

    I seem to remember her right arm extended outward as well as the left. Does anyone know if something happened over the years and it had to be reconfigured?

    • Burger

      Yes, it broke off in a big wind storm maybe 3-4 years ago and the statute was altered to reflect the change.

  • Rosslynite

    That is some patient wife. Thiis reminds me of the leg lamp in the Christmas Story movie. I am surprised that this sculpture has not fallen victim to some unfortunate accident at her hands.

  • Neighbor2

    I second the words of Neighbor and abc… I am also a neighbor of the mermaid and will be sad to see her go.

  • Roquer

    I think she’s beautiful. If I had the room and my wife was benevolent, i’d buy her.

  • Southeast Ben

    Bookies currently set the odds that the Artisphere wastes money on this “art” are currently 7:1

    • Arlingtonian

      Put her in Freedom Park!

  • Tre

    Kill it with fire

  • G Clifford Prout

    My roots would weaken if I had a rack like that.

  • Nunya

    Why don’t they move it to the new and improved Clarendon esplanade park right in front of the metro entrance.

  • John Fontain

    That tree trunk’s back must be really sore.

  • yequalsy

    Oh man my young daughter will totally melt down when the mermaid disappears. She looks for it everyday and especially loves the holiday outfits.

    • Elizabeth

      Holiday outfits??

      • Neighbor

        yeah, outfits for all holidays.. she even had a wedding that we attended.. it was either a seahorse or turtle that is carved next to her. we’ll miss her!

  • http://www.exactcom.com.au/proofs/KombiPics/Wrecks/bayBushOvergrown.jpg Overgrown Bush

    The perfect center piece for my koi pond.

  • ArlingtonNative

    Aww – Sad… used to live on Powhatan right near her.
    Friends always got a kick out of it when I’d point it out – especially the friends from Oregon or San Fran – where this type of yard-art is nothing out of the ordinary.
    I think it should go to the Artisphere … they’d finally have something worth the time/$ to visit the place!

  • WestoverBabe

    I think the guy with the eagle (also carved from a tree trunk) in his yard (behind the Rite Aid in FC) should buy her.
    He’d represent both land and sea!

  • Enrico

    arlnow is too afraid to take a picture of the front because oh no, no, not boooooooooobs.

    sad sad

    • http://www.arlnow.com ARLnow.com

      It had more to do with not wanting to trespass on the homeowner’s property.

  • Rob

    That’s one fine piece of ash.

  • joe

    first instance ive ever seen of wood giveing some one boobs.
    usualy its the other way around

  • Pat

    Firewood right here!

  • Flipper

    This would be a great scarecrow for my brother-in-laws garden. Maybe Falls Church isn’t as uptight as these north Arlingtonians.

  • Homey D. Clown

    I’d tap that.

  • Hoss

    Sorry, but it’s going to take up way too much of my floor space, and it’s really going to take a niche buyer for something like this. To get the arm fixed I am looking at a couple of grand in restorations, so the best I can go is $10.00

  • YTK

    I see, by some of these comments, that the Puritans landed in Arlington too.

  • Big Rick Jackson

    Big Rick Jackson would love to chop her down and make sweet love to that beautiful mermaid. Damaged goods and all. BRJ loves him some statuous breaststststs

  • BoredHouseWife

    you made fark

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