On Wednesday the County will close the doors on Artisphere forever, repurposing the space for something that serves the public interest. Board Member Jay Fisette will return the $7,300,000 giant check to the treasury out of his own pocket, issuing the following statement, “It’s unfortunate that I misappropriated an enormous amount of public funds to live out my dream of owning an LGBT Nightclub and Art Gallery, but with a loss of $2.3 million in taxpayer funds in FY 2012 and another $1.6 million in projected losses during FY 2013, it just doesn’t make sense to be cutting funds to the Police and Fire Departments while hemorrhaging money at this rate on some total nonsense. I’m really very sorry.”
Arlington County Manager Barbara Donnellan said the following, “Honestly… I’m glad we’re finally closing Artisphere. It was getting seriously hard to cook the books in this joint. Striking the right balance of property tax hikes and increasing appraisals out of thin air was really stressing me out. This will free up some much needed cash that can be used to fund the ongoing degentrification effort in Courthouse as well as a series of upcoming studies that we can use as propaganda to push our pet projects.”
Possible uses for the space include a pay-to-get-in version of the Smithsonian called Museo-sphere, a day spa for homeless men, a frozen yogurt store, or a pizzeria which is billed to be “The only place in Arlington County where you can pick up a PROPER SLICE.”
Walter Tejada was reached for comment, and added the following, “Es el día de los Tontos en Abril!!!1!!!”
Oh my god, you got me so good. Best April Fool’s joke ever !
“to fund the ongoing degentrification effort in Courthouse as well as a series of upcoming studies that we can use as propaganda to push our pet projects.”
Classsic. Well done.
An April Fool’s joke highlighting both your Homophobia and Xenophobia all in one. Nice Job!
I was thinking Chris Matthew’s comments re: racism were an april fools joke, but he’s really that unhinged
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