Arlington, VA

Democratic Party Chooses Cornhole Tournament Over Standard Nomination Process

by ARLnow.com Sponsor March 8, 2019 at 8:50 am 0

In a stunning turn of events and in an effort to wade through a crowded field of candidates, last night the DNC radically shifted course, scrapping the standard caucus-based primary format.

With the intent of being inclusive, the DNC reached out to the nation’s thought leaders for potential alternatives. Locally renowned social sports league and long-time charity darling Arlington Cornhole (ACH) submitted the winning format.

Politicians will be paired with celebrities of their choosing in a winner-takes-all double elimination tournament to be held at an undisclosed time and location. Cory Booker was the first to announce his cornhole mate — Pauly D, of Jersey Shore infamy, who was quoted saying “We gonna wipe those gooches!” before he and Cory slammed back their FourLoco.

Bernie Sanders tried to get his old buddy Karl Marx for his team but in a senior moment accidentally selected Groucho instead.

Vegas odds have Bernie and whichever Marx he settles on with the best odds to survive the field at 2:7, and the current over/under is 12.5 States seceding from the Union.

In standard Arlington Cornhole fashion all proceeds from this tournament will be donated to the charity of the winning team’s choosing. To participate, please visit us at www.arlingtoncornhole.com.

Submit your own Community Post here for just $99.

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