Goat Found on Crystal City Median

by Katie Pyzyk November 28, 2012 at 1:30 pm 16,937 67 Comments

(Updated at 2:30 p.m.) An unusual occurrence prompted a call to the Animal Welfare League of Arlington on Saturday. Passersby spotted a goat tied up on a median in Crystal City.

A caller informed AWLA that a goat was tied up on a median at the intersection of S. Eads Street and Army Navy Drive. The goat was still there when AWLA representatives arrived on the scene. Workers rescued the goat and took it to the AWLA shelter in Shirlington.

Shortly after the animal was picked up, the owner called and retrieved the goat from the shelter. Although AWLA does not disclose information about the owners of reclaimed animals, it notes the goat was a college mascot.

No charges have been brought forth because it’s unclear exactly who left the goat tied up on the median.

  • Quoth the Raven

    Nice work, Army!

  • b-money

    I love absolutely everything about this story.

  • nom de guerre

    Was it Bill The Goat, the mascot for the United States Naval Academy? Just a coincidence that he was found on Army Navy Drive?

    • Somer

      Yeah it was one of the Bill’s that the USNA uses as their mascots

  • drax

    At least the goat was properly leashed.

  • a-money

    This story has all the makings of a great story. who dosent love goats tiexd up in the median. Goats are after all the brother of the the beast that everyine loves. there will require three vials of gypsy tears and you bring the meat loaf and two times a lady

    • Chappy

      It is very interesting you mention this fact. It is not widely known, but Arlington County is a first rate supplier of gypsy tears and gyspy tear accessories.

      • Dezlboy

        Sounds like Borat is back in town.

    • bum

      I suppose one could also get two times a lady at the Days Inn.

    • Lionel Richie

      no….three times a lady!

  • pch

    Beat Navy!

  • Captain_Obvious

    The T-rex is gonna be pissed !

    • SHLady


    • PMonroe

      “I’m fairly alarmed here.”

  • Mike Honcho

    This just in, budget cuts have led Arlington County to lease the services of Bill from the USNA. Please don’t feed the goat.

    • a-money

      mike that is complete nonsense. Arlington would not lease a goat from the USNA. You are speaking in foreign tongues, just remeber that the power of christ compells thee. Two times a lady and you bring the meatloaf. a-money out.

  • Guy LeDouche

    One would think that when you are approaching a big rivalry game, a school would keep 24/7 watch on their mascot. Better yet, always keep guard of your mascot…college kids don’t have anything better to do most of the time and would take pride in being able to take their turn at guarding their mascot.

  • Sir

    I want to say it’s complicated. But the truth is its not. It’s effin hilarious! Well done Army. Well done.

    • John Fontain

      Your quote got picked up by the Post Express today (page 32). They obviously don’t get the “it’s complicated” part.

  • wiki

    According to Wikipedia’s page on Bill the Goat:

    “On November 23rd, 2012 unknown assailants kidnapped Bill XXXIV, and tied him to a pole on Army Navy Drive, adjacent to the Pentagon, he was rescued by PPD Officers and returned to Gambrills, MD shaken but unharmed.”

    Poor goat! I hope he got lots of treats and pets afterwards. Should we expect a story about a tied-up mule soon?

  • WestoverNative

    Wow. They’ve even updated his Wiki page about the latest kidnapping:

  • General Allen’s honorary diplomat

    It’s all fun and games before they run into an overzealous cop and face felony charges, causing them to get kicked out of their academies and enlist instead.

    • a-money

      General Allen, kindly sir i do not like the words you speak about the poor goat. Remember this, it takes kitten fur to make cat briches, two times a lady and you bring the meatloaf and finally i will require three vials of gypsy tears

      • nom de guerre

        Speaking of meatloaf, today’s Sam’s Truck daily special is a meatlof sandwich, featuring 90% hand chopped, hand fed Waygu beef with 10% beef fat added for juicyness, and infused with roasted garlic and fresh rosemary, thickly sliced and served on a toasted brioche bun, topped with carmelized red onions, smoked provolone cheese, micro greens and a barbecue sauce made with sriracha, honey, mangos and Jack Daniels.

        • NoVapologist

          I was hoping the special would be goat meatloaf. Americans don’t appreciate the culinary goodness of the goat.

          • nom de guerre

            Actually goat meat is too lean to be used in a meatlof, but tomorrow’s special will feature brined goat shoulder slowly smoked over derecho harvested applewood, hand pulled and piled high on a lightly toasted artisan ciabatta, topped with a red cabbage and broccoli slaw and fresh goat cheese with a vinegar based barbecue sauce on the side for dipping.

          • WeiQiang

            vinegar-based bbq sauce is too thin for dipping and i think will not stand up well to the goat. how about an option for a Ballroom Bourbon & Donaldson Run raisin chutney or gypsy tear tzatziki?

          • nom de guerre

            Both those options sound like a good concept, but I would add roasted hazelnuts to the chutney to provide for a variety of textures.

          • Grace

            You are as ass.

        • Foodie

          … that sounds yummy … Regarding the goat: I immediately thought fraternity/sorrority hazing ritual, then I thought “curry!” just sayin’

    • WeiQiang

      Why do think they didn’t try to take it on to the Pentagon Reservation? Truth is, it could have been the special on tomorrow’s menu at the Epic Smokehouse.

  • WilliamZBub

    Where can I pick up my missing pet?

  • Swag

    I’m amazed the cops didn’t shoot it.

    • DCBuff

      I’m surprised a Lexus SUV licensed in MD didn’t flip.

      • Brian K

        post of the day lol

  • sunflower

    “On November 28th, 2012, Trevor and two employees from Mary’s Cafe in Arlington, Virginia abducted Bill the Goat from his home. A pot of boiling water and six pairs of brown flip flops were found at the scene. The Gypsy Tear Fellowship claimed responsibility in a open letter posted on the front door of Marios Pizza House.”


    • Lyn Cassady

      I was watching this unfold from the pentagon.

  • yequalsy

    Cabrito. Yummm.

    • CW

      Tacos de cabrito asado! My first thought exactly. Special of the day at District Taco!

  • Hogan’s Goat

    That Bill gets all the press. Well … eff me.

  • joewilliams

    Army may as well have their fun now because once again they’re going to get demolished on the field a week from Saturday…

  • Fore

    If it was near the Army/Navy Country Club, Old Tom Morris would be my first suspect.

  • JimPB

    Goat on median: An ecological grass cutter and soil enricher.

    Some jurisdictions are using goats to trim the growth on plots of land that are difficult to mow with machinery, e.g., uneven, steep slopes.

    Goats: good as a mild provider for small families, and goat cheese is very popular now. Goat meat is good, too.

    Goat raising in ARLCo? Why not.

    • Quoth the Raven

      Policy Bot: Activated!

    • DCBuff

      Do the chickens know goats don’t lay eggs?

      • NIMBY the Goad

        Likely … no.

  • Hank

    Wait, are sure this goat wasn’t simply prostituting herself?

  • Anthony

    Seems par for the course for Crystal City. Hilarious story.

  • neathridge

    Bill Xxxiv is apparently still only a backup mascot …. Guess he doesn’t get same protection!

  • internet tourettes

    Was this a goat rodeo, right?

  • Lisa

    You would think that USNA would have learned to provide their damn goat with better security by now – at least prior to the Game. GO ARMY BEAT NAVY!

    • nom de guerre

      This was a spontaneous strike and was sparked by outrage over an anti-Goat video that went viral on you tube.

  • susan

    There was nothing cute or funny about this. Goats chew through everything, and if that goat had chewed through the rope it was tied with, it would have been hit by a car most likely.

    • Say it Ain’t So

      Ah Suze – It is TOTALLY funny! A goat in on the median in Crystal City?! HA! Especially funny because ‘alls well that ends well.’ Geez – always a spoil sport in the crowd.

      • Grace

        A person writing a thoughtful comment about the dangers of an animal being tied to a median where it could be hurt is a “spoil sport”? And you are what?

    • grace

      Finally, someone with some sense, making a thoughtful comment. Thank you Susan. I am unsubscribing from this list because the news is usually late and most of the comments are useless, silly, and annoying.

  • AndreaW

    Hilarious! I love a good prank from 1950!!

    • Hank

      After putting the rival team’s goat on the median, Chip and the gang headed down to Mickey’s Sundries for some malts and necking.

  • Tumblebum

    Now ya did it guys. Grace took her thoughtful comments and went home. Are you happy now?

  • Arlingtonian

    Looks like Army got the Navy’s goat.

  • Arlingtonian

    Arlington County’s Urban Agriculture Task Force needs to describe the goat’s survival in its upcoming report to the County Board.

  • Jon K

    Well, I hope they have their fun before they have to deploy to a pointless, futile, and endless war in Afghanistan.

  • Curt C

    Since they can’t win at football they might as well have some fun playing with “Bill”!!

  • Your Grandma

    Well, somebody really got their goat! Teehee! I made a funny!

  • Joe the Sailor

    Now that Bill’s back — GO NAVY

  • Civic Activist

    Considering the ‘diversity’ of Arlington, that goat is very lucky that he avoided dwelling above the coucous on a restaurant platter.


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