Press Club

Bocce League Expands to South Arlington, Lives of Children Ruined (Promoted)

This sponsored post is satirical in nature. It was written by the DC Bocce League.

Bocce, a sport long linked to elderly Italians that is now popular with the young, urban set, continues to expand its influence in Arlington with a new location along Columbia Pike at the revered P. Brennan’s.

At the helm of this expansion sits the DC Bocce League, which is leading the sport’s march into the South Arlington neighborhood to make way for its upcoming Winter 2015 season. Long rumored to “ruin the lives of children” and known as a gateway for “dads to get drunk,” Arlington residents will find it even more convenient to fall into the clutches of this supposedly nefarious activity.

“Ruining the lives of children is what bocce is best known for,” explains League president, Sarah DeLucas. “And the DC Bocce League will do what it can to forward the sport’s ultimate mission.”

Yet with this new indoor location, it remains unclear how the bocce leadership intends to carry out its scheme as all players must be at least 21 years of age.

For 10 years, the DC Bocce League has transformed itself from a 50-member club into a social sports empire, running bocce leagues all over D.C., Maryland, and Virginia.

Previously, the League operated only in the Ballston and Clarendon areas within Arlington. However that will change on January 21st, when bocce makes its debut along Columbia Pike at P. Brennan’s. Outfitted in color-coordinated t-shirts and supplied with food and drink specials, weekly prizes, and free parties, bocce players in the DC Bocce League should have no problems enjoying themselves on a Wednesday night.

“And ruining the lives of children,” insists DeLucas.

Yet no evidence exists of this claim. In fact, the opposite was found to be true, as the DC Bocce League commits a percentage of revenues to charity, including organizations that benefit children. When pressed, Ms. DeLucas declined to cite the number of children whose lives were actually ruined in pursuit of bocce glory. It seems only time will tell if the sport’s true mission will ever come to pass in Arlington.

* * *

The DC Bocce League invites Arlington to join us this Winter at P. Brennan’s on Wednesdays for good times, great people, and bocce starting January 21st. Bocce does not actually harm children. The only harm this League might inflict is on the livers of its 21 and over participants. Sign up here: www.dcbocce.com

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