Morning Poll: How are you celebrating St. Patrick’s Day today?

St. Patrick’s Day is here and many of you are ready to embrace the Irish spirit.

But how, exactly, is today’s poll question.

With various ways to celebrate around town, we’d like to know how you plan to enjoy the festivities today. Will you be visiting one of Arlington’s Irish bars, attending a St. Paddy’s bash at another local watering hole, or just wearing something green, downing a Shepherd’s Pie at home and calling it a day?

To be honest, this is a pretty straight-forward question, so to fill some extra space we asked ChatGPT to tell us some non-offensive Irish jokes.

Q: Why don’t you iron a four-leaf clover?
A: Because you don’t want to press your luck!

Q: Why did the leprechaun go to school?
A: To improve his “elf”-esteem!

It went on in that vein, ChatGPT apparently being trained on the most groan-worthy dad jokes. We started encouraging it to get edgier, resulting in the following.

An American tourist walks into a pub in Ireland and orders a pint of Guinness. As he’s sipping on his drink, he strikes up a conversation with the old man sitting next to him. “You see this bar?” the old man says, pointing to the wooden counter. “I built it with my own two hands. But do they call me Seamus the Bar Builder? No.”

He takes another sip and continues, “And you see that stone wall outside? I built that too, stone by stone. But do they call me Seamus the Wall Builder? No.”

Seamus pauses, takes a deep breath, and adds with a grin, “But you kiss one goat…”

Okay ChatGPT, now we’re getting somewhere. For the finale, we wanted to incorporate a wee bit of local flair. After a few uninspired iterations, we suggested some characters from the commentariat and here’s what the AI came up with.

One evening at a local pub in Arlington, Virginia, Flood Czar, the Mayor of Arlington, and Dave Schutz were engaged in a heated debate. Dave, as usual, was trying to convince everyone that Arlington should seize and redevelop the local golf course.

Flood Czar, growing tired of Dave’s persistence, decided to put an end to the argument with a witty remark. He leaned in and said, “You know, Dave, I’ve finally figured out why you’re so obsessed with turning the golf course into something else.”

Dave, eager to hear the Mayor’s perspective, asked, “Oh really? Do tell.”

Flood Czar grinned and replied, “It’s because the only time you can hit the green is when you’re wearing it on St. Patrick’s Day!”

The entire pub erupted in laughter.

Sláinte!

Without further ado, here’s the poll.

Photo via Cobalt123/Flickr