Arlington, VA

Arlington’s newest Pet of the Week is Mango.

Here is what Mango has to say about how the house is being run now that the owners are around full-time:

It has been a few months and my two direct reports are finally working full-time hours, as I requested. My care is a full time job, and I will not tolerate slacking. They sit at the table together, staring into their machines for 8 hours a day – but at least they are able to take direct commands when I am hungry. They call me “Mango.” I am not sure why. I am not an orange colored fruit – I am not even orange! Perhaps this means “boss” or “leader” in their language

Our days are structured as follows: when the early morning light arrives I know it is time to eat. My direct reports need some extra motivation. I climb the clothing tower of doom, jumping off directly onto their backs. If this does not rouse them, I start on the dresser. One by one, things “fall” off, creating satisfying thumping noises when they hit the ground. Finally, one of them is up and we have breakfast together. Naps take up much of the day, and playtime arrives sooner than expected. Evenings are for zooming around the apartment and laying belly-up, ready to snap shut on unsuspecting hands.

Lately, the direct reports have been violating our office’s strict open door policy. They sometimes leave their desks to enter the room with the litter box and porcelain throne, shutting the door behind them. I find myself forced to awaken from my nap, and throw my small body against the door with all of my force until it opens. Once inside I do nothing but sit on the table where water comes out, asserting my dominance. They seem to be starting to understand that this is a non-negotiable part of their contract.

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