How counseling can save a relationship

Many people see a seemingly happy couple and imagine that they have some intangible magic that makes their relationship work blissfully.

This, however, is usually far from the truth. In reality, healthy relationships that last are the product of commitment, work, and deep emotional bonding.

Therapist Matt Levine works with couples at Arlington-based Summit Counseling, where he helps people overcome their relationship hurdles using Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT, the gold standard in couples therapy.

“Many issues come from clients denying themselves their need to be securely attached with another human. Relationship issues also stem from couples distancing due to past attachment injuries (e.g. abusive parents, divorces), trauma, or just general life stressors,” reflects Levine.

First, the couples counselor helps clients realize and break the predictable negative cycle they fall into.

Second, they help couples create deep bonding moments during each session, called “corrective emotional experiences.” The therapist helps the couples respond and comfort each other in their distress (yes, when it’s caused by their partner!), which because of our wiring as humans, creates deep bonds. “Remember that friend who showed up when you were in a really bad place? You are bonded and endeared to them for life” said Levine.

Couples can revitalize bonds and attachment, they can show up in ways that meet their partner’s needs for closeness, and they can find common ground again. “Once they can achieve this, it is a question of dedication, respect, and devotion to a partnership that could last a lifetime,” said Levine.