Arguments to get off electronics, isolating and not engaging with the rest of the family, and emotional outbursts directed at parents are probably a sign your child is struggling and the family system needs help.
“Deep down the child wants to share their pain, but reaching for parental comfort and facing rejection hurts too much. It’s safer to keep the pain inside and cope alone,” said Matt Levine, certified emotionally focused therapist (EFT) at Arlington-based Summit Counseling.
When children stop going to parents for comfort, the family typically has entered a negative cycle. Children typically hear parents’ good intentions as criticisms and feel like disappointments.
“EFT is trying to access how each family member views themself in which there is no safety to talk about in the negative cycle. The therapist helps people talk about parts that are unknown to them,” said Levine.
In family therapy, parents learn about blocks in the relationship with their child they are not aware of. “Mom does not realize how deep her feedback digs and dad does not get that when he insists on doing a math equation his way while doing homework the child starts pushing away, “ said Levine. “When good intentions don’t lead to good results, there is a problem.”
“Family therapy helps parents become the irreplaceable attachment figure their child needs as they confront a difficult world,” said Levine.