A grave conversation is coming to Courthouse Library next week.
A sold-out “Death Cafe,” seeking to “increase awareness of death” and put society’s stigmas about it to rest, will involve a free two-hour group discussion over tea and cake next Tuesday. Volunteer and Courthouse resident Stephanie Dillemuth hopes to help attendees “make the most of their finite lives.”
“There’s real value in connecting as humans over this thing that we all share in common that our culture tends to treat as more of a taboo, sort of somber subject,” she said. “There’s room for that, but there’s room for a little more openness around it, too.”
Dillemuth is a big believer in the candid “Death Cafe” conversations, whose origins date back to Switzerland in 2004. The writer first became hooked on the practice after attending one at D.C.’s Congressional Cemetery in April.
A self-described “practical person,” she said open dialogues about death can offer a remedy to fear.
“Whether we want to admit it or not, we do have a relationship to death,” Dillemuth said. “Whether it’s changing our relationship to it, becoming more comfortable talking about it, addressing it — I think it’s a very practical thing to do, given that it comes for all of us.”
Over the years, Death Cafes have been held at libraries in Arlington, D.C. and Alexandria, where guests’ conversations ranged from estate planning to end-of-life care.
Dillemuth attributes the events’ popularity to the sense of connectedness the gatherings inspire in others.
“Believe it or not, it’s a room full, like, packed to the gills,” she said. “There’s always a waitlist for these. They’re sold-out events.”
Tuesday’s discussion could venture into topics like the absurdity of dying and the circle of life, the “brightness of support” following a family death, or the heaviness of packing up a dead person’s possessions.
But Dillemuth wants attendees to arrive with expectations as loose as possible and expect the unexpected.
“The tone varies depending on what people are bringing into the room,” she added. “Some moments are more, sort of, reflective and somber, and some are really funny, you know, and there’s laughter in the room.”
Dillemuth expressed gratitude to the library, as well as hopes to provide more death and dying related programming in the future.
“There’s this fun saying in the death awareness community, like, ‘talking about death won’t kill you,'” Dillemuth said. “I love that. It just felt very true for me.”
